Fragments
my sky my body. belated winter solstice, a birthday"It's a funny sort of thing," they like to say in Feldenkrais classes when noticing how one thing subtly relates to another.
When I can't have a proper conversation my mind fragments. Here are some shards that have lingered here and in the draft folder in my mind:
No I don't want to see Nicole Kidman's frozen face attempt to perform Lucille Ball. 
I don't want to read about her process, no matter how popular The NYTimes tells me it is. I don't want to see her picture and I don't really want anyone else to enjoy it either.
ok, no, I realize she is a victim, not just a perpetrator of our vacant plastic aesthetic.
But resist if you can. Make them look at your true changing beauty. like so
My Feldenkrais friend said I have a beautiful body. When I laughed bitterly he reminded me of its intelligence, the fruit of my labor over these many years to listen to its hidden harmony. Is that something to be proud of? Is it important to be proud?
I cannot hold my head up anymore. My back arches more and more to compensate, and today my lower back is in spasm. My grandmother used to push my head down in the Russian Orthodox church. To punish her for enforcing humility I left her chosen religion and returned to her roots, our roots, as a Jew. no no no, that wasn't the real reason, but do you appreciate the irony?
I am humble. I am near the end. I've decided to try again to post something every week, Wednesday now because Friday was unworkable. I will post fragments, or whatever I've got.
You matter to me.
Jan 5, 2021
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Reader Comments (1)
You matter to me!
I just 😂 laughed and cried and cry-laughed so many times reading these recent entries, it has been too long since I’ve gotten myself over here to do so. I think you are beautiful, too, and maybe it’s weird and not weird to want and not want to be seen in it, but you are! I took a Feldenkrais course this Fall for grad school, and I think it’s good stuff. I think it’s really cool that I get to learn through this that you are a practitioner of that work, too. I miss seeing you but I am so grateful for this space to learn a little more about what you’re thinking and feeling, and to get to 😂. Sending love.