It goes like this: You have a feeling, say anxiety, and a thought comes with it, say: I gotta get outa here! It's more like a command, isn't it? So you obey, right? You try to get out. But maybe you can't, so you get more anxious; as you get more anxious, your mind develops the thought, embellishing the fantasy of disaster if you fail to escape. More anxiety. Shall I go on? Have you been there?
Psychology + Zen = Philosophy and methods to relieve suffering and reveal happiness.
Psychology: We project onto others what we reject in ourselves. Some call it a Shadow. Healing comes from making the unconscious conscious, taking responsibility for our projections, integrating what is split off as our own thing.
Zen: There is no separate self. When we can be at one with every aspect, then we belong everywhere and we reject no one.
We heal the world by becoming intimate with our whole selves.
Entries in Feelings (10)
Not so fast! If you feel like murdering someone, kicking your dog, running from challenge, eating til you can't breathe....do you do it?
No. right? you don't, right?
Feelings are not facts, but they make our beliefs seem like facts.
The problem with anger is that not only are we really not allowed to murder people, but we've been told since day 1 (ok, maybe 121, but still, pretty early) that if we are angry, we are bad and wrong and...crazy...also ugly....and...well, maybe it's just me but it's a rare duck that really surfs with anger. With all those nasty descriptions, it would certainly seem like a better idea to not get angry. But we do anyway, right? So we try to hold it in.
So, then when we were 20something maybe we got the idea that we should let it all out. We went around telling people the truth about the way I feel.
Updated on Thursday, June 14, 2012 at 11:59AM by Elena TaJo
After some Facebook braggadocio about my prowess negotiating the Internet with ADD, my friend Julie invited me to write about it. Yah, ok. I can do that. I've given a lot of thought to what I call the Associative Mind and how I want to advocate for a little freedom to roam. So why am I procrastinating? I am NOT procrastinating. I am allowing my mind to roam! Jotting notes here and there. Things knocking about in my mind, creating those collisions and connections that I value so much. Yet the sentences seem to be behind a dam somewhere, along with all the coherent advice I thought I had to offer. Perhaps all those collisions are just a pile-up, and the idea is somewhere under the rubble.
I decided to do an Internet Fast to clear my confusion.
So, we've established that to be masters of our domain, to be masters of the Internet, we need to practice moving in and out, via ERRoR. I have recommended a timer. And I have heard you say that you ignore the timer. Sometimes I do too. Sometimes I'm sorry, and sometimes I know that it was the right thing to do. "Rules are made to be broken," said my father the military man.
But how do you know when you are on a fruitful exploration, and when you are addicted and need an external force to rip you away? From the inside. You know by paying attention to your whole being. It really helps to have a meditation practice, but whether or not you formally meditate, getting to know your body and how it sends signals is the key to wisdom. And happiness. Actually, mostly happiness. Because one of the agonies of modern life is that nagging sense that maybe I should be doing something else.
Updated on Friday, June 8, 2012 at 4:33PM by Elena TaJo
My hips were already hurting as I was standing on the platform. I could almost feel the relief of the seat as I waited for the train…and waited…and… the desire intensified with the growing awareness of the delay, the imagined relief intensifying the pain.
By the time the train pulled in, a crowd had gathered and I was terrified of the competition for seats. Naturally, there was exactly one seat in the car and the woman who pushed her way past me got it. In agony, I pondered: Was she disabled? My hips don't have a big sign on them and I'm not carrying any supports like crutches. Do I say something? What if she is mentally disabled and doesn't understand the subway protocol? If she gets angry and accuses me, do I understand her as limited or mean? What's the difference? Who deserves what?
If you've read What's the Rush?, you already know how my mind complicates the effort to walk a simple line from here to there. What I learned is that I need to surrender to my mind's need to wander, and book myself some play time, some empty time to do and think whatever I want. Oh yes, it solves everything, except that I have to rush like crazy to get to my scheduled play time.
You just don't get it, said her eyes into my silence. My beautiful dark-skinned friend from a South American country had just told me of her troubles getting a Visa, indicated how hard she worked in a restaurant to support her dancing. I felt for her, so the distrust was painful. Was it distrust, or was I projecting my own?
Like most of my young dancer friends, she asks me nothing about my life, as if it is already established, not in question. If they did ask, they might hear
Updated on Friday, June 8, 2012 at 4:52PM by Elena TaJo
Three bikes already stolen, and yesterday, one mangled beyond rideability. If I knew who the enemy was, I'd sign up for the war!
Moving to the city last winter from our little village of Nyack, the family warmed to the sight of all the bicycles zipping around the city. So, we brought our bikes over, chained them to a fence near our apartment in Washington Heights. No dummies, we purchased good city locks and worried a little but not too much. Well....first, mine was taken by someone who cut the fence to which it was attached. I was hurt, put a sign up saying "hey, if you really needed a bike, you could have asked me for it." But I got a new one--it was an old bike anyway. Chained the new one to a better pole, where it survived one day before disappearing without a trace. Next, my daughter's mountain bike fell prey to the dark force of greed.
My daughter was surprised when I mentioned that I always get a lot of business this time of year. "But isn't everyone happy during the Holidays?" Exactly. Everyone is supposed to be happy, and woe to those who aren't. Woe drives them to the shrink.
Among the animals, humans are uniquely gifted with the ability to aspire.